The Fable

There once was a skinny little boy who lived in a land of sad people and flavorless food. This young man was studious, and spent long, enjoyable days reading cookbooks, travel journals, and menus from restaurants all across the world. He loved learning about the flavors and spices other countries used to make their meals taste amazing.

Each night, as he sat down at the dinner table with his family to eat another bland, tasteless supper, the boy would imagine he was biting into crunchy red peppers, crisp white onions, or pungent cloves of garlic. Imagining the taste of spices and flavor almost made his dull dishes seem bearable. Almost.

After decades of digesting flavorful books, the skinny boy, now a skinny man, decided it was time to finally enjoy food. He packed his knapsack and embarked on a journey to distant lands to experience and acquire spices and seasonings. First, he traveled south to a region filled with bright, red chili peppers. Then, he sailed across the ocean to a place popping with paprika. From there he ventured into countries filled with cumin, cayenne, and cardemom. The more he traveled, the more his tastebuds awakened to the delightful world of flavor. The skinny man traveled to and fro across the globe for many months, making friends and sampling spices in the most flavorful regions of the world. As he journeyed, he collected the best of the best seasonings everywhere he went.

Upon returning home, the skinny man, who was not so skinny anymore, combined his tasty treasures into one brilliant blend of aromatic seasoning. Then, he began making meals—explosively flavorful meals! He smoked ribs for his family. He roasted chickens for his friends. He prepared potatoes, eggs, sweet corn, and brisket for strangers passing through his country. His seasoning mix sparked a flavor revolution and turned a sad country into a satisfied people. All across the country, as people grew happier and happier, their pants grew tighter and tighter.* A trade-off that everyone was happy to make because they finally enjoyed their food.

From now on, all the people of the land knew that, when a bottle of Fat Pants was placed on the table, things were about to get tasty!

*Disclaimer: Fat Pants contains no fat, perservatives, gluten, or MSG. The pants grew tighter because… well, their food finally tasted amazing!

Click here to order Fat Pants!

"My routine rub is pepper and salt with a pinch of sugar. When I feel like spicing it up a bit, Fat Pants is one of my go-to favorites. Besides wings, ribs, butts, brats and burgers, it’s great on any style eggs, fries, hashbrowns, mac & cheese, popcorn and so much more. It’s a winner!"
Ardie A. Davis
 A.K.A Remus Powers, Ph.B., Founder of the American Royal Barbecue Sauce Contest